Jan's Testimony

     In 1986, I met the love of my life. David was the most generous, wonderful, kind, intelligent and patient men I had ever met in my life. He was a true Godly man. His greatest asset was his sense of  integrity. He supported me in everything I did or attempted to do. I struggled with his love of God and his reading the Bible, but as long as he was happy, I was happy. In December, we were married. He occasionally asked me if I wanted to attend church with him, but I wasn't interested. Every week, the church would mail us a bulletin from the previous Sunday service and every week, I would throw it away. Following a miscarriage, we were able to finally have our daughter, Sarah two years later.  She was the joy of our lives and we were a very happy family. Still something seemed to be missing..... 

     Four years later, in 1990, I was at possibly one of the lowest points of my life emotionally. I had everything I'd always wanted, but I was miserable. At Easter, my son told me he was going to be baptized and asked me to come. I didn't want to go to a church, but my love for my son was bigger than my resentment of God. I sat alone in the back of a darkened church, hiding from God, as my son was baptized. In my pain, I felt God touch me... literally. It felt like someone was tapping me on the shoulder, not once but twice. When I looked around, no one was there. My mixed emotions of seeing Chris so happy and my own feelings of emptiness and loss, even though I was in a successful marriage and had a lovely daughter lead me to a personal encounter with God that day. I had been lead to a relationship with Our Lord, Jesus Christ by the example of my eighteen year old son, Christopher through his baptism. (the name Christopher means Bearer of Christ. He was named appropriately.) 

     Through Chris' example of Christ’s love and the patience of my new husband, David, I was baptized in July of 1990 at First Baptist Church of Gardena by Pastor C. Nichols. I have never looked back and my love for the Lord deepens with every new day that He allows me to serve Him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my trials, bad days and dry seasons. Immediately, I was thrown into service, as my husband felt God's calling to be the Youth Pastor at our church. I felt so unprepared for the role. Just as I was getting use to the being a Pastor's wife, my husband announced that he felt God was moving us from California to Indiana... and so the journey began. It was 19 years of ministry in several churches, meeting new people and finding kindred spirits in Christ. I began home-schooling my daughter and was so blessed by the experience. 

      God wasn't through with me yet though... In June of 2011, I discovered a lump in my breast and within a week, the diagnosis was Stage 3 breast cancer. I was devastated. The thought of leaving behind my daughter who had already lost her father was more than I could deal with. I prayed, but I was so numb that my prayers felt useless. That next Thursday, I was singing with the worship team at the Thursday night service and the Pastor called me down and told people about my diagnosis. He asked people to join him in praying for me. I was surrounded by several dozens of people who prayed with a fervor I had never heard before, but I just could not bring myself to pray and ask God to heal me. Suddenly, as if I were the only person in the room, I began to sob and plead for God to heal me. It was as if my spirit suddenly became peaceful, worry-free and confident that I knew I was being healed. 

     Later, while praying, God made it clear to me that I would be healed “if I walked out the process.” I didn’t understand what He meant until I got an email forwarded from a friend that week that explained the difference between a miracle and a healing. It went on to explain that when Jesus performed a “miracle” it was instantaneous. Bam! You were well. When Jesus “healed” people, there was usually a condition that needed to be met such as “go and tell others” or “wash in the creek” or “cover your eyes with mud paste”. My conditions were to “walk out the process”. That meant doing the chemotherapy every week for 6 months, doing the radiation every day for 6 weeks, having the mastectomy and taking the medications for 5 years. I agreed that if this was what God wanted, I would do it, but I didn’t understand why. 

     Now on the other side, I do understand. God wanted me to stand tall in front of the people at church every week worshiping God with a renewed strength I didn’t understand. He wanted me to show up at work and do my job even when I felt sick before I got there. He wanted me to be an encouragement to the nurses and doctors I spoke to every day and tell them that God had healed me. He wanted me to speak to the fellow patients about what God was doing in my life. After the first week of chemo, I could no longer feel the tumor. This surprised the Doctor, so he ordered a sonogram. The sonogram showed nothing. No tumor at all, but he explained this by saying that sometimes the chemo breaks up the tumor into a mushy mass that is not easy to see. I continued with the chemo knowing that God had taken care of everything for me. In February of 2012, I went into surgery. It was fairly easy. I felt very little pain and within two days I was taking no pain meds including aspirin. The biopsy showed that there was no cancer in the breast, the lymph nodes or any of the surrounding area. The doctors were excited. As part of my chart records for a clinical trial, I told them that they should mention that I was healed by God. They just smiled. 

     I thought I was completely cancer free, but in 2015, I was diagnosed with cancer on the side of my tongue. I felt let down... like God had broken his promise, but that feeling left me very quickly. With each test, it was easier to bounce back into God's arms. Following my surgery, I was pronounced CANCER FREE. He is still a God of miracles. God is good and He will do what He says He will do. His love for me has never changed, even when I have let Him down. His love makes me try harder; not because I want to keep being cancer free, but because I have never known anyone who loves me as much as He does and I want to please Him.  Today, I am happily retired, living in Anaheim, California and spending my free time re-writing my website about Disneyland and bluegrass bands, doing genealogy and continuing to love and serve God at my new church, Church of Grace in Yorba Linda, California.